numbers and measures filling my head
constantly counting, always under fed
i think that you notice me
shifting my plate with a fork
but you dont notice me
fainting in the bathroom
or crying in bed
i dont think you notice
when i skip meals
and run for an hour
but i cant stop
even though i feel miserable
and my head always aches
i cant stop
even though i am consumed with numbers
and it haunts me when i wake
i cant stop
though i've made promise again
and i always feel weak
i cant stop
because i want this, that number
to be lower than i've seen.
i want to disappear under my sweater
and feel light in your arms
i've gotten used to feeling dizzy
grown to like all the harm
so i'll shove off your worry and
i'll lie when you ask
go again until those digits
are smaller than my last.