i knew my ability to trust was crippled the day you first lied to me.

it was always “i promise to stop the drinking” or “i promise i’ll cut down”.

i watched you turn into someone i would’ve never recognised had i walked past you on the street.

i watched your addiction tear you apart for the last 19 years and i couldn’t do anything to help.

i listened as your empty promises turned into another night of being drunk and falling everywhere and bloodying yourself.

i watched as you started to forget.

i watched as you learned your favourite phrase of “i don’t remember” when i would recall our favourite memories together.

i listened as you began to tell me that you are an example of what to avoid becoming.

i listened as you said things that no parent should ever tell their child.

i listened as i disregarded every mistake you ever made and trusted you each time another empty promise escaped past your lips along with the smell of alcohol laced with your breath.

you watched as i began to build my walls up and shut everyone out.

you watched as i, too, became unrecognisable.

you listened as i stopped caring about everyone and their little lies.

i watched as you had completely shattered the glass that held our bond, without even noticing.

i hate myself because, despite everything, i still believe your empty promises.


»a.n.o’h.