I had a dream last night
A nightmare is more apropos.

I lost my virginity in a fit of depression
And never cared then after

But I lost it to you
And you were enamored with me

And every time I looked in your eyes
I saw longing,
I saw desire

And I returned none of that
Before and after

I left you to be used by a beast
That had so secretly fed upon and destroyed my soul

I could not bear to see you in pain
So I withheld my secrets
And I let you keep looking
For a love that I , secretly, never gave

I used you.
-
And then I awoke,
and felt absolute heartbreak
for I dreamt of the man
I have always feared becoming.