Oh you of unrivalled faith dancing madly into your graves. I’ll need some kind of miracle drug to get me through this two minute hate. Some sort of personal jesus to tell me heaven is not a place and it will not be okay. Please cut my head clean off and serve it on a silver plate to Herod. Because if the voice in the back of my head is right then I’ve learned all this theology from ted talks and pop songs and it won’t matter where I’m headed now anyway...

So take your snake oil back with all those personal opinions I couldn’t give a **** about. I’m done with worshipping a filtered image of myself. If this priesthood of millennial deceivers is what heaven looks like on earth I’d rather vilify my reputation and take the fastest way out.