I loved him
when his words reflected a shadow, he was nothing more
than a cloud separating Earth from the moon

told me that no one’s heart  has ever been too big for
their head
but he never held me up to the light

(and he broke mine).

This morning
I remembered I am just small pieces of my mother’s body
yet I fear falling asleep beside her
in case she knows
that I want to **** myself, cells that came from her.

It is selfish, now I wish I could be
as opaque as him.

I wondered if it is okay to break your mother’s heart in
some ways, though not others
and remembered that he wanted to paste
another girl’s hair onto me so that I would be happy.

Up against fog
I wondered if it is better to be the moon
or to imitate the sun.