He glanced over at the counter,
Knowing exactly what was there,
This is the only way,
It made sense.
“No...”
The thought circled--
the voice;
"yes, do it baby, nothing is as sweet, everything will be better."
Euphoria.
A deep breath
and another
and another
fury engulfed his being
knuckles hit wall
again
again
again
blood flushed through the newly opened skin
Fuck.
Shaking
The urge was strong
Disabling
He was weak
No match for this devil.
On his feet, he walked to the counter
Reached behind the plywood
His prized casing.
Simple, silver.
Cold.
Freedom.
His hand throbbed
His mind paid no attention
I have you now
You are worthless.
You are mine.
What am I waiting for..
Trembling hands
Another breath.
Concentrate.
These were his best friends
They knew him better than he knew himself
The blades.
Exhale.
Careful.
He lifted one out
Thin
Long
Sharp
Perfect
Freedom
Twirling it in his fingers
Smiling ear to ear
DO IT
He positioned the blade
Held it steady
Pushed
Let it sink into his skin
He threw his head back
A small yelp of pain
No. This is what you wanted, remember
It will make everything okay again
The tip disappeared
The blood gushed
Steady
He dragged it
Slowly
Enjoying every second
destroying himself
bit by bit
Freedom
Almost halfway
Good. It’s deep
He dragged.
Index finger balanced on the side
His thumb grazing his skin
The blade disappeared
Given time
It would become him
right across.
his eyes shut.
The were no tears
He sat in silence
Feeling the blood swim
Instantly.
Dripping down his arm
Onto the floor
AGAIN
the taunt continued
There wasn’t anything left in him
You aren’t worth my time.
Use some of that fat energy, and finish the job
What will they think?
Nobody will miss you
Nobody cares
They’ll be glad to see you’re gone.
The blood didn’t stop
It wouldn’t
This would be the last time.
He picked up the blade.
Again.
It sunk into his flesh like butter
This is for the best
I just can’t
Push
Drag
This wasn’t about self control
This was the end.
Freedom.
A wimper
"Are you happy?"
"Are you?"
A constant battle
Dizziness.
He stood up.
Turned the taps on to hot.
Starred into his own eyes.
The ones he hated so much
The very reason he couldn’t go on
His legs gave out
It seemed like a dream
Crashing.
He hit the floor.
It was over.
Freedom.