I am Mad!
Mad at myself for believing in others
Mad at others for letting me down.
Sometimes I wish I would be vain, wrathful, selfish
I sometimes want to fullfil my inner desires.
Sometimes I want to drink that Hatred poison
Be consumed by greed
And every vice that comes with, I confess!
For it is not fair
Why must I suffer the lash of a whip
Of which I do not deserve?
Or do I deserve everything that comes my way, good or bad?
Why do I come to you holding my plate as you prepare a meal?
I am not on my knees.
Is it because you say you will feed me
And so I take comfort knowing I will eat
But really you do not consider me a portion of your food
So I am left hungry.
A hungry man is an angry man.
I have ill will towards you now.
I wish you drop dead on the table
Just so I can finish your meal.
Why do you torment me so?
As you sit there stuffing your face until you struggle to chew
You pretend as though I do not exist.
I ask for a small bit
You say there is not enough.
It's never enough for you
I hope you choke on your meal, you Glutton!
But I dont really mean it.
You are in the hands of the Lord, your fate is His decision.
I chastise myself for being so gullible
For having no dignity
And having swallowed only my pride
Letting it happen.
Why should I suffer in your hands
As you crush me with a squeeze as you please?
I feel satisfaction at the hands of my own self infliction thank you
So I whip myself until I bleed...
And bleed...and Bleed!...
But not a single drop let
And not a single tear shed.
I smile when I am done
For I have forgiven myself.
I thank you
This will never happen to me again.
I am Stronger and Wiser now.
Now I shall fend for myself in the Hands of the Lord.