I tried not to like him. I tried really, really hard not to notice his perfect smile, his perfect hair, his perfect laugh….I did. I promise. Because what point is there in liking a guy who already has a girlfriend? In his eyes, I was simply a friend. Someone to joke around with before he went back to the more important, more beautiful girl. But over the past 10 weeks, it has become increasingly difficult to avoid the unavoidable: I am completely and utterly infatuated with him. He has been, most recently, sneaking into my dreams, subtly at first and then, to my shock and secret excitement, making obvious appearances. It is these appearances that hurt the most, for I could take full advantage of them and pretend he is mine…but I can’t. Because he isn’t. Even though, as I found out a week ago, he is now single. No girlfriend. No heartbreak. Just single. Like me. Except I’m sure he wants to be. Unlike me. And it is here that I am left in an utterly hopeless place: I am in love with a boy who has just fallen out of love, and who does not plan on falling back into it. There was a short period of time (it could be measured in seconds) that I thought perhaps I could change his mind; I could make him fall in love with me. Not forcibly, of course…just in the way that I would become so appealing to him that he would fall quite hard, and quite fast. The opposite way I did for him. But that was a silly, rash thought, and I brushed it aside as I am my hair right now as I type this. As I try to clear my mind. As I try to figure out what to do. Because I don’t know what to do. I’ve always secretly liked him, but I never figured he would like me. And there’s this miniscule thought, this hope, in the back of my mind that maybe we were meant to be or something stupid and naive like that. And I can’t shake it. So I guess I’m stuck. I guess I’ll keep writing songs and poems and rambles like this until I either fall out of love or the amazing and unfathomable happens. I’m hoping it will be the second. Because I really do like him. Even though I really tried not to.