i promise i'll get better.

i won't ruin all your sheets with mascara stains and snot, i'll cook for you and sit through movies and family gatherings without bouncing my every extremity incessantly.

i'll get better.

i'll stop asking for so much and give more and i swear i'll be more myself. i'll wake up with the sun and you'll wake to me, the window, coffee, a book, breakfast. the mornings of puffy eyes and snoozed alarms and stacks of ***** dishes will be a distant memory.

promise.

i won't need you so much. i'll stop disrupting your evenings by asking you to come hold me through the thick of it. i'll take my alone time with a strong shot of gratitude and a healthy dose of missing you, but not enough to send me spiraling.

i promise i'll stop keeping you up so late with the sound of my thoughts echoing so loudly i swear you can hear them too. i'll get better at keeping the volume down so that every conversation doesn’t have to be saturated by the weight of it.

i'll take care of myself so you don't have to. i'll give you the best version of me, consistently, daily, the way you deserve.

i promise.
i just have to get better. i promise i'll get better.


a.m.