Some of my poems come together in a few quiet minutes or an afternoon-- this one's been in the works for over a month and I'm still mulling it over. I first conceived it when I was driving to a college visit and it started flurrying.
I'd like to hear some criticism regarding the sound. It's got a specific meter and lots of assonance and consonance, with a few perfect rhymes. I really liked developing the sounds, but I think it might be a little too sing-song in certain parts, especially since all of the lines are iambic. I intentionally broke patterns in a few places to make it a little bit disorienting and frustrating while still pleasant, and I'm not sure if I've got the effect quite right. How would you describe the sounds? Did you notice them working with with or the themes? Is it happy, playful, frustrating, satisfying? (Did anyone pick up on "windy" sounds with all the effs and esses? I was quite proud of that)
Many thanks :-D