I came to the bitter realization that I will never come first with you
I fooled myself for years thinking I was someone important to you
Someone you could talk to
Someone you enjoyed
But I know that I was nothing more than a doormat to you
Taken out when needed, used, and put away
Like some decoration put on display only when the season was right
And I loved it!
I craved it
I couldn't wait for you to need something from me
Something that I couldn't afford to give, but did it anyway
Because I thought that's how friendships worked
So you would take me out of hiding and we would sit and talk
You would show me your insecurities and I would discredit them all
I did everything I could to build you up
And you told me you would do the same for me
but you lied to me
I came to you broken and bleeding
Praying that you could make it better because I didn't think I could handle any worse
And you tore me down
Pointed out my flaws and made me question my worth
And when I thought it was over, when I thought you were done,
You yelled at me for hurting
And you told me I never cared
You called me selfish
Everything I did was for you!
Even after you hurt me, I wanted to apologize
Because I wasn't clear enough, you didn't know how much I loved you
It was my fault
It will always be my fault