I've never felt as wanted
As I have in your arms
That's not a good thing
or a bad thing
S'just the way that things are

I miss the bliss of each new kiss
Packaged neatly for me to unravel
A present for the present,
with meaning only for right now
And I still remember every one
How did you do that.

I miss the decadent depravity of your touch
the absolute erasure of self into your clutch
I miss that you made me forget who I think I am
and made me feel like who I actually am

I miss your skin brushing against mine
Our steady panting keeping time
The rhythm unique to just us two
I miss being able to be this for you.

And memory now feels like sin
I have to harden fragile skin
I cannot let your whispers in
You've asked me not to.

And though your voice echoes on repeat
I'm not at fault for memories
nurturing hands brought love to bloom
taught seeds to flourish
and nursed our wounds

We grew.
We loved.
We love.

I stole your heart with feathered touch
Fingers so gentle that every brush
was missed.

I loved too little
You felt as much.

And all it took was nimble touch
To turn fractures to fissures
And in a rush
Collapse what we had made.

And with pieces of us stuck in my skin
These memories that feel like sin
I feel lost. Picking up pieces of something we made together.
Alone.

I wish you could hold me.
And I'm sorry
for  every time that you told me
All the things you wished of me
All the things I'd never be.