ill miss my friends birthday
and ill miss my friends
when im gone for a week
with family and family's boyfriends
and my technology
and my loneliness
and my craving to be wanted,
to be missed
by my friends
but i wont be missed
and i know i wont be missed
because they wont
do anything for me
while im here;
they wont compromise
wont give up their selfishness
to help me
and i dont get it
because all i do is bend over backwards
for my friends
who i miss so dearly
and always will

and i think maybe
i feel too deeply for this world
because everyone seems to be swimming
in their own decisions and passions
and ive never dipped a toe into the water
but ive stood on the shore
looking out at them go
and grow
and i stay with my feet scratching the sand
my feet imprinting my place in the world
into one footprint
because i have not yet walked a path
but only left one tiny
thought in the sand:
the stagnation of me will
leave my soul to be pruned
by the breeze