I tend to push away
what comes too close to me.
I know I will regret it,
though I just let it
happen, I always do.
I don't know what it means.
Are things going too fast,
or is it me, who is too slow again?
Every now and then
I feel that I can't keep up
with the world
it's spinning so fast.
I can't keep up
with my thoughts,
they spin too fast,
without any clear direction.
My heart needs protection,
my head just implodes.
I have this evil fire
within me,
its screams frantically,
I can't control it.
I reject,
I reject,
I reject until there's
nothing left to reject,
until there are only
things to regret.
I own a collection
of those regrets,
they are staring at me,
lustfully,
from the dusty shelves
of my better self.
I don't know what it means.
There are too many things
that went wrong.
I've never grown strong
enough to fight this fire.
It suffocates and burns
until my pain turns
into disgust.
I don't even trust
myself, so how can I
trust you?
What was close split,
and there is not a bit
that stayed.
This puts gasoline
on my fire.
I really admire
how you try to love me,
it's just above me
why anyone would
waste their time.
I don't know what it means.
I'm suffocated by fear,
I choke on near-
ness,
I deserve less
than offered to me.