I keep all my tears on chains
So tightly linked together
Are all the moment and memories
That have made me cry
No longer individual thoughts in my mind
They succumb to a game of dominoes
One link
One tear
More sadness yanks harder on the chain of tears
More links
More memories
More tears
I lose sight of the first link with salted vision
The first reason that I cried
Because there are too many links
Everything that has ever made me sad
Coming before my eyes overlapping
And I am tangled, restricted
Caught up in these tears that tie me down
The heaviest links resting comfortably on my chest
Not comfortable: consistent
Sometimes I forget that they are there
Because I am numb
And I catch a glimpse into a feeling
Freedom.
But I am not free
I have forgotten to look behind me
At the tangle of chains flowing backwards
As I try to move ahead
Caught and tied around my ankles
Resting tight upon my chest
Constricting
I must remember, I am not free.
No matter how much saltwater
Has rusted every link
They will not break
They will only grow
Grow
Grow
Grow
Until I can move no longer
For I weigh more of rusted metal
Than I do of flesh
Until the mass of chains and limbs is no longer defined by who I am
But by the links and tears and sadness
That follow me around
Where have I gone?
Where has my freedom gone?
I must remember, I am not free.