In elementary school my favorite part of recess was balancing on a teeter totter talking with a friend.
I don't remember our conversations anymore but I often picture us crossed legged or legs dangling balancing opposite of each other.
Over two decades have passed since those days and I find that I still aim to sit or stand relatively balanced.
On this teeter totter I now play on in the recesses of my memory a loud and obnoxious boy comes to upheave me from my post.
As the years go by the person attempting to knock me off my station changes.
I long for a companion to sit with me and just balance. To be engaged with me in a silent communication.
I long for a counter balance to lighten me when I become too heavy and to strengthen me when I become too weak.
And I yearn for a partner that can dance with me along the thin board of this teeter totter, completely in tune with the patterns and motions of each other in a splendid harmony.
Falling off the teeter totter one too many times. I no longer trust others to maintain the balance I am seeking. Maybe this is why engagement has become so frightening.