i made love to myself
on the bed where
we used to sleep
next to each other
just last summer

at first,
to get myself off,
i imagined random men and women in my life
pushing against me
pleasing me

Then,
your face
and your body
intruded into my soft and vulnerable mind

and my moans
quickly turned into
very different sounds

and I felt tears in my eyes

I started to sob
my body grew limp
and i exhaled, pulling out of myself

turning onto my side, pulling the blankets over my body


the makeup from last night running into my eyes

I sobbed

because you are more beautiful
than i

and although months
(which felt like years)
have gone by

I still miss you
                       like we said goodbye
only yesterday


and my fingers
are ugly and sharp
compared to your

gentle slender ******* hands.