peter pan said

to
die
would be an awfully big
adventure .

and I've had my bags packed
and my gym shoes on
for the longest time

I had put 
healing on the list .

the grocery list .

the to do list .

the night list .

the things to pack list .
because

I thought that it would help me
to remember
that people care
and that I am worth it ..
but they came to visit
my little apartment
in seattle
and asked what the lists were for
and I told them
and they laughed

those things are not true .
those things are no good .
silly girl , don't be so foolish .


that night
I cried and I ripped down
my lists
and laid face first on my bed ,
letting my makeup run away
from my skin .

but that same night ,
my windows flew open ,
and I saw a shadow take shelter
from the rain outside
and he flew in
with a roosters crow
and a smile
fit for a child .

come with me
to neverland .
you will be away from them .
you will never have to grow up ,
or be saddened by burdens .
you will be a  lost girl ,
not a  lost soul .

I grabbed my backpack
and wiped away clean cheeks
and tied my laces
and flew away .