I wanted to prove to everyone that I was more than an abuse victim, a **** victim, and a cheater (due to abuse). I felt like I could still be a “real adult” without you. But gluttony, lust and horrible old patterns got the best of me. I spent a year and a half comparing every man that was every inside of me to you. Constantly questioning what was wrong or different. Not realizing my need to be loved and respected.

I tried to teach people about the kind of love I deserved. I tried to communicate with people who didn’t want to listen. I tried to buy myself happiness, beauty, and fulfillment but always came up angry, stressed, and sad. I never once stopped in 2 years to straight up ask for what I need. And remove the people in my life who weren’t fulfilling to me.

I blocked and hid from the people who loved me most. I saved face, showed up to everything, hid behind a smile. While I was physically and mentally so sick. I tried to handle it all on my own with no plan or idea of my end goal. I laid in bed each night and cried due to the conflicting thoughts of wanting so desperately to die but knowing I promised myself to live.

You are so incredibly strong, you can and will make it through anything this life throws at you. You have come so far in such a short period of time, give yourself so much love, grace, and understanding. You deserve every inch of it.

Your worth is not defined by how many ****** encounters you have. There are people out there that see your worth and want to get to know every inch of you. Starting with your mind, soul, beliefs, and values. Those people will make you feel so endless, supported, and loved. Hold onto those people, reach out to those people, take time to build a deep connection. For that is what you deserve. Deep, endless, unconditional love.