maybe if i tried harder it would be different.
but i do try hard, at least i think i do.
its hard for me to tell You that i'm struggling, that i feel unable to be anymore.
everything feels so repetitious,
me wanting so desperately to be different but repeating the same patterns.
i try to take my feelings out of the equation, but they worm themselves back in and i'm left feeling like i don't belong with You.
like i cant do anything right.
like i'm never going to change.
i'm sorry.
i repeat.
i'm sorry.
i repeat.
like the tick of a clock, the sound deafening in the silence,
i repeat the words amidst the quiet.
loud and annoying,
i'm sorry.
i repeat.
but You're here, even in my struggles,
even when i'm sorry.
even when i feel like an addict unable to change, when i seek the change so much.
i'm sorry.
i repeat.