my child couldn't ***** this flame,

every night a crying shame,

playing razor since 2016,

not afraid to not eat,

not afraid to not breathe,

i can cringe while i write and still read

i know how to keep my mouth shut,

while my hands do the talking,

all they do is lift a bottle,

my mouth is tired,

i know how to sleep like a baby,

and still feel like a liar,

how to shave my seconds with a

flick.

of a lighter.

now i feel lighter:

my favorite food is pizza,

i used to read,

i used to play [     ],

answer phone calls,

enjoy music without falling apart.

i could love without an ounce of fear.

the most painful thoughts,

are the most beautiful,

to those who can't understand it.

i'll never be a writer.