my hands still shake
my body still hurts sometimes
i can’t look at myself in the mirror
i feel unclean
i’m unholy
i want my body cleansed
my skin removed
i want purity and a new beginning

unsafe surroundings, unsure motives
everything scares me
i still feel the unwanted touch
the absolute violation of my body
i cry at night
“my fault my fault my fault”
my body rots

come down to earth
rain falling down the window
heavy breathing
“it’s okay it’s okay”
you’re okay
you’re safe
you have a blanket
and a cup of hot chocolate

it’s okay
i have a cup of hot chocolate
i’m safe
and he’s not here