Sep 2020
After getting the chance to visit with an old friend a little while back I have had these on my mind and a few nights ago I finally put them onto “paper” so to speak. After sharing a bit from them with a ***** of mine tonight while we spent some time learning more of each other’s back stories, I felt it appropriate to post them tonight:
I know that to many I’m still considered a baby for my age (my little not included). At 30 years old in just the last couple of years even, I have made some very meaningful strides in defining and refining my happy place both in and outside of the lifestyle. I function very strongly under the belief that “without the experiences that I’ve had, I would not be the person I am today” and those words ring ever truer with me now looking back.
I was raised within an extremely conservative home. One where Smurfs were demonic and Disney villains were not a reality until at least the age of ten. KSBJ was the only radio station that existed and Halloween wasn’t actually happening if you turned your lights off and pretended you weren’t home when the “trick or treaters” came knocking.
I will pause here a moment and say that while I may not agree entirely with the methods under which I was raised I am truly honored to have the parents that I do. While her views are largely conservative, I love my mother to the ends of the world and I respect the fact that she was so invested and raised her children staying true to her convictions.
With that said, I have learned throughout my adult life a few lessons about the world and the people in it and as I love that the #7 is the number of completion, it is only fitting that there be seven of these as well.
1.) Cookie cutters are meant for kitchen drawers. There is no one universal mold and anyone in history who has believed that leaned a little bit more to the unstable side. (Does the name ****** ring a bell?) We need to learn to embrace and celebrate the differences among us that make us unique.
2.) To interact with someone outside of your normal circle doesn’t somehow taint you. Growing up, it was commonly modeled for me that to interact with anyone who fell outside of the expectation of what “acceptable people” were, would somehow taint who I was as “one of the good ones”. The reality is that if Jesus Christ himself ate with the tax collectors and murderers what makes you so high and mighty? So say good morning to the man with the scowl in the elevator – you don’t know how much he might need to know that someone sees him and cares. Give the extra $2 in your wallet to the homeless woman on the corner. That might be the only food she sees this week. So many of us function in a mindset of doubt, not acting at all for fear that we’re going to be misused or rejected. When the truth of the matter is that it’s not your responsibility to police how someone responds to your good will. Your moral obligation ends at the point when you’ve extended your hand to offer a gesture or help.
3.) Life is not fair to you simply because you believe it should be. No one “owes” you respect unless you earn it. You cannot expect vulnerability unless you are willing to lay yourself bare. You get what you put in and there is no bigger truth than that.
4.) Marriages/Relationships are not perfect, regardless of how good those involved are at portraying it that way. For the longest time I referred to those who would put on the “happy faces” and pretend as white picket fences. Until one day I realized that a white picket fence is only the “perfect” that everyone sees on the outside. The inside is cluttered, chaotic and real. Real relationships are hard, they require work from both sides in order to be successful. No relationship is one sided and those that are, do not last.
5.) People are above all, human. We are imperfect, emotional and flawed beings. We will disappoint you, frustrate you and ultimately choose the option which is the most self-serving. But at the same time we will love you, encourage you and tell you how much we can’t live without you. The strongest bonds are not the ones that make great accessories, they are the necessities you cannot live without.
6.) Listen more than you speak. Two ears, one mouth. Learn to hear what are others are saying before trying to interject with how they are wrong and you are right. Listen to the stories of those around you, it might help you to see that you and the people you are fighting so hard to be different from have more in common than you think. Never judge a book by its cover. Get to know the stories that make people who and how they are. The relationships that develop may surprise you.
7.) And lastly, don’t stay complacent simply for the fear of change. If you’ve reached a stale point in your life, career, relationship it’s time to do some soul searching. In the words of somewhere very dear to me, if you’re not happy where you are start taking steps to change it. Staying in a place of complacency will eventually fester into bitterness and resentment. Choose better for yourself, as all of your days on this planet are numbered. Spend them wisely. Love deeply, laugh freely, and live without regret.
Grace
07/30/2015
I know that to many I’m still considered a baby for my age (my little not included). At 30 years old in just the last couple of years even, I have made some very meaningful strides in defining and refining my happy place both in and outside of the lifestyle. I function very strongly under the belief that “without the experiences that I’ve had, I would not be the person I am today” and those words ring ever truer with me now looking back.
I was raised within an extremely conservative home. One where Smurfs were demonic and Disney villains were not a reality until at least the age of ten. KSBJ was the only radio station that existed and Halloween wasn’t actually happening if you turned your lights off and pretended you weren’t home when the “trick or treaters” came knocking.
I will pause here a moment and say that while I may not agree entirely with the methods under which I was raised I am truly honored to have the parents that I do. While her views are largely conservative, I love my mother to the ends of the world and I respect the fact that she was so invested and raised her children staying true to her convictions.
With that said, I have learned throughout my adult life a few lessons about the world and the people in it and as I love that the #7 is the number of completion, it is only fitting that there be seven of these as well.
1.) Cookie cutters are meant for kitchen drawers. There is no one universal mold and anyone in history who has believed that leaned a little bit more to the unstable side. (Does the name ****** ring a bell?) We need to learn to embrace and celebrate the differences among us that make us unique.
2.) To interact with someone outside of your normal circle doesn’t somehow taint you. Growing up, it was commonly modeled for me that to interact with anyone who fell outside of the expectation of what “acceptable people” were, would somehow taint who I was as “one of the good ones”. The reality is that if Jesus Christ himself ate with the tax collectors and murderers what makes you so high and mighty? So say good morning to the man with the scowl in the elevator – you don’t know how much he might need to know that someone sees him and cares. Give the extra $2 in your wallet to the homeless woman on the corner. That might be the only food she sees this week. So many of us function in a mindset of doubt, not acting at all for fear that we’re going to be misused or rejected. When the truth of the matter is that it’s not your responsibility to police how someone responds to your good will. Your moral obligation ends at the point when you’ve extended your hand to offer a gesture or help.
3.) Life is not fair to you simply because you believe it should be. No one “owes” you respect unless you earn it. You cannot expect vulnerability unless you are willing to lay yourself bare. You get what you put in and there is no bigger truth than that.
4.) Marriages/Relationships are not perfect, regardless of how good those involved are at portraying it that way. For the longest time I referred to those who would put on the “happy faces” and pretend as white picket fences. Until one day I realized that a white picket fence is only the “perfect” that everyone sees on the outside. The inside is cluttered, chaotic and real. Real relationships are hard, they require work from both sides in order to be successful. No relationship is one sided and those that are, do not last.
5.) People are above all, human. We are imperfect, emotional and flawed beings. We will disappoint you, frustrate you and ultimately choose the option which is the most self-serving. But at the same time we will love you, encourage you and tell you how much we can’t live without you. The strongest bonds are not the ones that make great accessories, they are the necessities you cannot live without.
6.) Listen more than you speak. Two ears, one mouth. Learn to hear what are others are saying before trying to interject with how they are wrong and you are right. Listen to the stories of those around you, it might help you to see that you and the people you are fighting so hard to be different from have more in common than you think. Never judge a book by its cover. Get to know the stories that make people who and how they are. The relationships that develop may surprise you.
7.) And lastly, don’t stay complacent simply for the fear of change. If you’ve reached a stale point in your life, career, relationship it’s time to do some soul searching. In the words of somewhere very dear to me, if you’re not happy where you are start taking steps to change it. Staying in a place of complacency will eventually fester into bitterness and resentment. Choose better for yourself, as all of your days on this planet are numbered. Spend them wisely. Love deeply, laugh freely, and live without regret.
Grace
07/30/2015
