Tonight I don’t understand it,
I feel like I’m going insane.
Half of me is dying to be up there singing,
And the rest wants me to run in shame.
To hang my head in silence, and never sing again.

What is it that I’m losing?
My grip on reality?
In thinking that this God thing is nothing
But a pyramid, a scam, or a scheme.

Don’t I have a right to be angry?
If God gave me the emotion after all?
Then why do people constantly tell me
To shut up and suffer in silence, I’m appalled!

God seems nothing more to me.
Than a mean boy with a magnifying glass.
Pulling my legs off, smoldering my wings,
And leaving my dreams smoking piles of ash.

Everything I’ve known of God,
None of it’s coming through.
My car’s still broken, my body still hurts,
And my mind is still in turmoil over you!

I can’t seem to find myself
Somewhere amidst all of the shame.
If dying altogether is gain, then **** me!
Release me from my pain!
The bible, I don’t want it.
It no longer makes any sense.
The words are ancient and forgotten,
And they didn’t help me then.

Then, the night when I walked through hell,
And screamed into His deaf ears for help.
He disregarded me as if I were nothing,
Insignificant, unworthy of his effort or attention.

If I am in fact a princess,
A daughter of the most-high God.
Why didn’t he care enough to help me?
When I needed my Father the most.

My stomach twists into knots,
***** stings at my throat.
To know that such an omnipotent God,
Fell short, didn’t grab the rope, my lifeline and my hope.

God you have my best interest on Your heart,
You care like that, is that right?
Then where in heaven were You?
And God where are You now?

-Marie
06/08/2005