Sep 2020
What do I do
In my spare time?
A simple enough question,
Words to find common ground
Between two people
New to each other.
My shift screws me up,
So I am up too early.
I make French toast
And drink a beer,
Because I can.
I take a little nap--
Well, two hours laying there awake,
Pondering.
I will forage for more food,
And discover leftover mac and cheese.
I will eat it cold.
It's 11AM and I
Order a pizza because
They will deliver diet coke,
And I want Diet coke.
This is my only day off
And mindlessly scrolling Facebook
Isn't exactly relishing the day.
I feel guilty because
I don't have an answer to her
Simple question.
I eat the pizza and
Save the diet coke for tonight,
Then go back to bed--
Oh my God I am stuffed--
Until the waves of fullness leave.
It's 3:00.
And I have squandered the morning
Of my only day off.
Back to Facebook.
Maybe play some tunes on YouTube,
Worrying about the next song
I will play as opposed to
Taking in the song that is on now.
I play the same group of songs
Over and over and over,
Day by day.
I still haven't answered your question:
What do I do in my spare time?
Well this is embarrassing.
I want to say, I walked that trail
I discovered during my last picnic.
The trail that leads to a rock
I would have ascended
25 years ago,
On top, glowing in the sun beams,
Feeling like a goddess.
But that wouldn't be an authentic answer,
Would it?
I call my son, my daughter, my best friend,
My Dad is the only one to pick up,
And he is on the golf course.
And I wish I had something--
Golf, backpack, paint.
Breath life in all it's beauty,
Wonder what it is to be truly alive
In my own skin.
I write about my self-imposed loneliness
In my journal.
It's 5:00.
After all that pizza,
I would throw up dinner.
A shower?
It might help.
I efficiently lather up to save water, but
I rinse longer than usual,
Just stand there letting the cool water
Rinse off self pity.
Still,
What do I do in my spare time?
Deliberately, I put on clean clothes.
I had planned on the sweaty ones from yesterday.
Less laundry.
It is already 7:00, but
At least I am clean,
And I look presentable.
I pour myself a glass of Diet Coke
In a new mug--
Celebratory that even in my funk,
I look pretty good now.
I put on my old watch,
Only to discover the band if falling apart.
I feel like going to Walmart for a watch,
And do something today!
I can now answer her question,
"what do you like to do
In your spare time?"
Shopping.
I love shopping.
In my spare time?
A simple enough question,
Words to find common ground
Between two people
New to each other.
My shift screws me up,
So I am up too early.
I make French toast
And drink a beer,
Because I can.
I take a little nap--
Well, two hours laying there awake,
Pondering.
I will forage for more food,
And discover leftover mac and cheese.
I will eat it cold.
It's 11AM and I
Order a pizza because
They will deliver diet coke,
And I want Diet coke.
This is my only day off
And mindlessly scrolling Facebook
Isn't exactly relishing the day.
I feel guilty because
I don't have an answer to her
Simple question.
I eat the pizza and
Save the diet coke for tonight,
Then go back to bed--
Oh my God I am stuffed--
Until the waves of fullness leave.
It's 3:00.
And I have squandered the morning
Of my only day off.
Back to Facebook.
Maybe play some tunes on YouTube,
Worrying about the next song
I will play as opposed to
Taking in the song that is on now.
I play the same group of songs
Over and over and over,
Day by day.
I still haven't answered your question:
What do I do in my spare time?
Well this is embarrassing.
I want to say, I walked that trail
I discovered during my last picnic.
The trail that leads to a rock
I would have ascended
25 years ago,
On top, glowing in the sun beams,
Feeling like a goddess.
But that wouldn't be an authentic answer,
Would it?
I call my son, my daughter, my best friend,
My Dad is the only one to pick up,
And he is on the golf course.
And I wish I had something--
Golf, backpack, paint.
Breath life in all it's beauty,
Wonder what it is to be truly alive
In my own skin.
I write about my self-imposed loneliness
In my journal.
It's 5:00.
After all that pizza,
I would throw up dinner.
A shower?
It might help.
I efficiently lather up to save water, but
I rinse longer than usual,
Just stand there letting the cool water
Rinse off self pity.
Still,
What do I do in my spare time?
Deliberately, I put on clean clothes.
I had planned on the sweaty ones from yesterday.
Less laundry.
It is already 7:00, but
At least I am clean,
And I look presentable.
I pour myself a glass of Diet Coke
In a new mug--
Celebratory that even in my funk,
I look pretty good now.
I put on my old watch,
Only to discover the band if falling apart.
I feel like going to Walmart for a watch,
And do something today!
I can now answer her question,
"what do you like to do
In your spare time?"
Shopping.
I love shopping.
