I find myself in only my underwear (again), bloodletting at 5am, trying my best to let it all out & start anew. Nothing matters & especially not me. I want to die but I don't want to leave him behind. I want to fall asleep & stay there forever, but I love waking up next to him. The sun kisses him as he kisses me. I keep trying to hold the lids of my eyes open but they shut & shut him out. I could watch him smiling across the pillow at me always but ****** I slip back into wonderworld. It's the Nowhere & Everywhere that occupies my every thought, except the ones of him.

I spend twelve hours a day planning my death & twelve hours a day sorting through, preparing for my life. I have two bracelets on my wrist: one reminding me of my friends & the other reminding me of nothing. Isn't that beautiful?

He understands everything about me except how haunted I am. Each time I see him I cry. He breaks my heart but stitches everything else back together again. He tells me I am important & he will never leave me but history stands over my shoulder whispering in my ear reminding me that I am not & yes he will. If I hold up my smallest finger to the looking glass, he on the other side will lift his & pinky promise to stay. Forever. If I throw a blanket up over my head & the mirror, he will do the same & I can finally have him to myself for a few minutes.

Even he wouldn't believe me if I told him how often he saves me from cutting off my crusts, peeling my skins, unseeding & trimming away. When we fight over who loves the other more, we have to give our reasons, back up our claims; each time, he agrees that I win.