My breath is shaky
I'm going crazy
I can hear the pounding of drums
But it's actually my heart that runs
My body won’t stop
I whimper and drop
Curling into a ball
My back presses up against the wall
Trying to hold it in
I try to grin
But before I can cover my mouth
A sob escapes and from there it all goes south
My mind goes clear
Only one thought had to appear
Without thinking
And after an hour of drinking
My fingers graze something cold
I move my body to unfold
Now my fingers wrap around
Feeling like i'm going to drown
I slide it across my skin
And it makes lines that are nice and thin
Over and over, more and more
I hear a sound and realize its the front door
My mind registers the sound
But my body is still bound
The thump of someone coming near
And I won’t be able to stop I fear
The handle to my door turns
As the blood dripping from my arm burns
My mom walks inside
I don’t even try to hide
My eyes start to slowly close
She looks at me and she froze
I give her a weak smile
“Don’t worry mom, I love you and I will see you in a while”
I say as I try to speak soft
Blood drips down my chin after I have coughed
She snaps out of her haze
And says her of so famous phrase
“How could you do this to me”
I can’t help to glance at my arm and what do I see
My blood falling from my fingertips
And I can’t stop the words that fall out of my lips
“Im sorry Im not the one you wanted,
  My whole life I have been haunted
I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused
I wish I could have put life on pause
I do not belong here
So let me disappear
I love you
And please do not follow me through”
My words shake at the end
As I welcome the darkness like an old friend