when i go
to picture myself
in my head,

not what i look like
but who i am,

and when i go
to compare that
to the images of my past,

im confronted
by just how much
ive changed.

i used to see myself
as a shy boy,

small,
unimposing,
supporting cast
to the world around.

i rode
in the wake
of my friends
and my family,

kept above the waves
by nothing but
momentum.

but now,
when i look
at who i am
today,

things are different.

im not the same
shy boy i was before.

im more confident
than ive ever been,

in part because
ive come to see
that 'boy' isnt who i am
at all.

i see a knight
in well worn armor,

beautiful,
tall,
starring role
in a story all my own.

i no longer
need momentum
to stay above the waves.

no longer
do i ride the wake
of those around me.

i drive
my own boat
my own way
equal to those beside me.

when i go
to picture
who i was before,

i see not
a scrapbook,
full of memories
to cling to.

i see
a field,
burned flat,
ready for new seeds

to take root.