I felt like my heart was breaking
When I thought about you

It’s an odd feeling
Since you’re my dad

But there were the tell-tale signs

It’s a nostalgic feeling
Combined with a sadness
And a despairing emotional turn

It’s sad really
Terrifying in some ways
To think that I’m not loved

It isn’t true though

He loves me
He cares about me

I don’t think he likes me though
At least not the majority of the time

He thinks I don’t listen
That I’m ungrateful

I think he’s wrong
That he doesn’t hear me

I’ve been living here
In this environment
For a long time

I feel unwelcome by him

Yes
My heart truly breaks for us
For him

I care deeply for my father
I love my father
Yet
I don’t know how to express this
While maintaining my authentic self expression

Some days I give up
Hole away in my treehouse room
Lay in bed or distract myself

Other days I try
I speak and smile
I still go up to my treehouse room
It’s my space

I wonder if it will ever change
If our relationship will improve

I hope so
I hope our hearts mend
Our wounds heal
Our emotions open
And we spread joy and contentment
Just as the sun setting and rising spreads beauty and hope