They sing to me.
Igniting nostalgia familiar to my core. My bones vibrate
at the feelings of
loss
longing
desire--to grasp this strange phenomenon.
Only in the love songs,
the poems,
the movies,
can they articulate that something that makes me think,
of the overlap of my old torn love for another,
and you still by my side when he broke me.
And I don't think I'll ever understand that
in a way that you can know.
Because I'm safe in this private space
where I can accept my ties to you, but I can never tell you.
I feel lost.
Ashamed, that I don't know myself well enough to talk to you.
To figure this out. This pull,
this fear. This question--why can't I stop imaging you could be...
or maybe I'm just taking the best of you
in an attempt to heal me.
So I'm left swimming through the music,
searching for my breath.
And an answer.