We had a little visitor,
his fur was brown and white,
He ran into our lounge one day
and gave the wife a fright.

He popped out of the skirting board,
and scurried 'cross the floor,
The wife has said she does not want
to live here anymore.

I said 'He was just curious-
a gentle little mouse'
She said, 'Then let him poke around
in someone else's house!

If he's not gone by Friday night
I'm going back to Mum's,'
I thought about it long and hard
and fed the mouse some crumbs.

I bought myself a humane trap
to catch my furry friend,
and placed it where I knew he ran,
so I could apprehend.

Next morning when I checked the trap
my little mouse was there,
I tried to pick him up but he
just zig zagged everywhere.

I took him to the garden shed,
where my wife never went,
My sanctuary from nagging voice
where happy hours were spent!

Went to the shop and bought a cage,
to keep my new friend in,
We got to know each other as
I taught him discipline.

The wife began to rant and rave,
when I went to my shed,
Suggested I should pack my clothes
and move in there instead.

I'd had enough, she drove me mad,
she tried to spoil my life,
That's when I went back to the shop
and bought my mouse a wife!

Needless to say, they got on well,
if you know what I mean!
Within six weeks the babies came,
I counted them - FIFTEEN!

Then five weeks later...more arrived,
I was inundated
Words In my book 'How mice can breed'
are very understated!

And so my master-plan was born,
I let them loose inside
the house that she had made her own,
since she became my bride.

I sat there in my male retreat,
and waited for the screams,
Sure enough, they deafened me,
but fulfilled all my dreams.

She didn't even pack her bags, she
ran back home to mother,
A pair of whingers - it was clear,
they deserved each other!

And me? I love it on my own,
surrounded by my mice,
It's great that she's not here to moan
it really is so nice.

I cut my toenails in the lounge,
walk bare around the house,
No one to nag, in fact, it's just
as quiet as a mouse!