Terrified that we just lost you. I was troubled what my next move was going to be without you. How could I make my next move without you there to guide me? Tragedy was nothing I really had experienced before, something I somehow could avoid before.

And then it happened, I lost you, my best friend. Heartsick, grief-stricken, sorry, out of sorts. Call it whatever you want because nothing else could matter once it all fell, crashed to the ground once we found out you were no longer there. A ******* tragedy I could never come back from.

Now I’m spending day after day looking for you in every part of my day. Every gust of wind, wondering if you’re *******. Every sunny day, wondering if you’re smiling. Every rainy day, wondering if you are hurting. I wonder if you are the butterflies, the rainbows, the smiles in strangers. The flurry of snow on Christmas. I look for you in everyone, everything, all around me.

I think you’re still here, not far at all, close to me, close to my heart, helping me in some other way.