Heavy

Have you ever torn at your own flesh in an attempt to be lighter? Clawing at chunks of skin and life to force a shape that isn't consecrated with shame like the body that you're used to. Have you ever looked at yourself in a mirror and stared so long with eyes squint that you almost look like the girls in the magazines on TV described in novels strutting down the runway only to open up and see the same old you soft full whole and wish you could disappear into the floor forever? Have you ever had a loved one say the very worst thing you've always suspected? The magic words that snap your heart in two and confirm every doubt you've ever had every bad thought about yourself you've spent your whole life trying to swallow into the stomach that has always been treated so cruelly. Have you ever used every birthday wish every dandelion blown in the wind every 11:11 to pray beg plead for a different person to live inside of? I weep for my poor body so bullied and bruised and I swear to never wish for another ever again.

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hieronymus_b0sch

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