Aug 2020
“Fear of Fear” was the title of that day’s coursework in “Criminal Thinking” Class. The class addresses thinking errors that these guys tend to make on the regular. We, every one of us, have made these errors in our own lives too. The material, written by human beings for human beings, has its flaws and its merits, like anything else. So, the way that I go about teaching the class is to read through the material as it is, comment on the things that could have been addressed differently, then focus on the merit of the material and ask the guys to expound in either agreement or disagreement on said merits. The discussions can really take off from there. But, we always land the ship focusing on the merits that the guys can agree on and take our ah-ha moments, no matter how small, where we find them.
“I’m not afraid of anything”, he said.
“I just don’t have that in me anymore.”
We go on to talk about some scenarios that he’s dealt with in his not-so-long-ago criminal life.
He tells me that he has been sent on errands by people who were his overseers, out there on the streets. He tells me that on some of these errands, he has called his mother and advised that she should know that he loves her and that if she doesn’t hear from him again…
“Now, to be clear, I don’t like these situations”, he explains..
“I’m not afraid of them.”
“I just don’t like them.”
He goes on…
“Let me give you another example.
If my kid wants to go on a roller coaster, I’ll go.
I’m not afraid to get on the roller coaster, but I don’t like them.
I’m always thinking about the cars flying off of the track and crashing into the ground.”
“I’ll ride my Harley down the highway at over 100mph and not even give it a second thought.
Yet, a roller-coaster…
I don’t like ‘em, but I’ll get on one if my kid wants to go.
I’m not afraid.”
Now it’s my turn...
“Okay”.
“So, you’re contemplating the “what if’s”, right?”
“I guess so, yeah.”
“And, when you’re out there on the highway, you’re too busy enjoying yourself to contemplate the ifs, yeah?”
“Right.”
“Riding on roller coasters causes some trepidation though.”
“Yeah.”
“You think about what might happen.”
“Yeah.”
“If you can avoid a roller coaster, you will.”
“Yeah.”
“Going on missions for the higher-ups causes some trepidation?
You call your mom, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Once you’re out of here, are you going on any more of these missions for the bosses?”
“Not if I can help it.”
“Because you’re worried about what might happen?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s another word for trepidation?”
These guys aren’t stupid.
They certainly aren’t cowards.
They just tend to think in ways that have led them down paths that might have been avoidable.
They are human beings that make mistakes and bad decisions, just like any one of us.
These guys are making me smarter.
-JBClaywell
©P&ZPublications 2020
“I’m not afraid of anything”, he said.
“I just don’t have that in me anymore.”
We go on to talk about some scenarios that he’s dealt with in his not-so-long-ago criminal life.
He tells me that he has been sent on errands by people who were his overseers, out there on the streets. He tells me that on some of these errands, he has called his mother and advised that she should know that he loves her and that if she doesn’t hear from him again…
“Now, to be clear, I don’t like these situations”, he explains..
“I’m not afraid of them.”
“I just don’t like them.”
He goes on…
“Let me give you another example.
If my kid wants to go on a roller coaster, I’ll go.
I’m not afraid to get on the roller coaster, but I don’t like them.
I’m always thinking about the cars flying off of the track and crashing into the ground.”
“I’ll ride my Harley down the highway at over 100mph and not even give it a second thought.
Yet, a roller-coaster…
I don’t like ‘em, but I’ll get on one if my kid wants to go.
I’m not afraid.”
Now it’s my turn...
“Okay”.
“So, you’re contemplating the “what if’s”, right?”
“I guess so, yeah.”
“And, when you’re out there on the highway, you’re too busy enjoying yourself to contemplate the ifs, yeah?”
“Right.”
“Riding on roller coasters causes some trepidation though.”
“Yeah.”
“You think about what might happen.”
“Yeah.”
“If you can avoid a roller coaster, you will.”
“Yeah.”
“Going on missions for the higher-ups causes some trepidation?
You call your mom, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Once you’re out of here, are you going on any more of these missions for the bosses?”
“Not if I can help it.”
“Because you’re worried about what might happen?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s another word for trepidation?”
These guys aren’t stupid.
They certainly aren’t cowards.
They just tend to think in ways that have led them down paths that might have been avoidable.
They are human beings that make mistakes and bad decisions, just like any one of us.
These guys are making me smarter.
-JBClaywell
©P&ZPublications 2020
Not a poem.
A prison story.
"Trepidation"
A prison story.
"Trepidation"
