I hate myself for talking
I inevitably do
And I wonder if you’d been so mean
If you really knew
That I would cry for hours
Hate myself for days
Stare blankly into mirrors
Until my worn eyes glazed
That for years it would haunt me
I’d replay the words I said
Your disgusted look
Tattooed inside my head
That I’d lie awake at night
Clawing at my skin
Because I hated what I knew
Was lying deep within
And I wonder if you’d been so cruel
Had you truly known
What it’s like to live with autism
How it feels to sit alone