we were two little girls
whose mothers were both
housewives stuck with multiple children,
bored,
& belonging to a circle
of similarly conditioned women
who liked to sunbathe & smoke & talk
  in the summer
who liked to drink coffee & smoke & talk
  while the other seasons floated past the windows
their kids off somewhere else
hopefully playing & hopefully getting along, too.

we were two little girls
having a sleepover
eating popcorn & watching movies
two hours prior
in my parent's bed
  we were laughing
  carrying on like children do
  duh
she touched where my ******* weren't
told me to take off my clothes
& dance
explored
my little girl body
with her little girl fingers eyes tongue
playing the game
someone else taught her
except this time
she held the cards
she rolled the dice
on her new gameboard.

we showered together
on the uncomfortable
morning after
she reached for me
I stood
transfixed & unsure
watching
submissive, scared, oddly curious.
In hindsight,
I guess I must have liked it a little bit
'cuz I didn't back down. Didn't flinch away.
At least I was chosen. For once. For something.