i never meant to insinuate
that you never feel anything


in fact,
you feel things just as strongly as i do

and i loved you
for those moments


when you painted the music


when you held me as i cried
over and over again
(not always knowing the reasons for each tear)
when you decided to dance with me.
when you asked me for a kiss
and waved goodbye
for the last time.


and now
i'm faced with people
that want me.
that want to know me
the way you knew me


but i feel as though
i still don't know myself
i still don't know the part of me that you loved so much
i don't know where that girl is.

all i know is that you brought her out of me.

you brought out the best in me.

i just need to figure out how to bring out the best in myself.

because the numbness is starting to return
and i have gone back to filling my time with pointless ****

and spending time with people that don't really care about me.
because,
i don't really think i'm worth caring about.

not yet.