there is a visceral feeling somewhere in there
but it hides amongst the trees, leaves dripping
with green, stems are broken bonds, water used to flow in these veins,
but now they are fluent, transparent now, clear and immobile

toxins fall onto your skin, pesticides and poison
seeping in as to
make you stronger, eventually
despite the pain you feel

it hurts too hard to scream, so you are silent in this growth
through this sickening feeling in your bones
if she can make you stronger, if she says she must,
then well, its not like you’ve ever had anyone else to trust

she tears you raw, rips you barren but it is the only love you’ve ever known,
she says you can leave, it’s okay to be gone
but where else is there to to?

it’s all routine at some point
but i feels more wrong amongst the years
there is no breaking point, no period of knowing
just a crashing, a noticing of scraped bark.
a hallow feeling and empty branches
a blinding enlightenment amongst the darj

are you parched? starved?
have you noticed that there is rot where once was heart?
this venom has reached its end, and you are the strongest you could get
weak, fragile, weighed down
but stronger now
in awareness all around

and so she asks if you need water, offers you peace, family, vinegar
fix it now, you say or imagine, because you have become so utterly afraid of her
with dead leaves and less roots
she harvests you with a fiery hunger

but amongst the hunger,
these years of growth,
there is no produce in this lumber
this tree is seas and crass and venemous
so she throws you out,
without knowing she had caused this