I still miss him sometimes
I find myself thinking
If only I had opened up my heart to him
My soul
Maybe I could have loved him
Maybe I could have healed.  But no
I suffered in silence
Rotting slowly away behind the
Mask
My face smiling.  My soul
Tormented

His eys saw only what I allowed them to perceive
As he looked up at me with so much love
A love I did not deserve
But I took it
Because I did not have the courage to die alone
And I hated myself for that

In the darkest  hours of the night I'd watch him
Sleeping peacefully
As tears edged more lines down my face
Then, I'd turn and stare at the blank
Sterile walls
Finally, finding my way into another tortured
Sleep

Every morning I'd awake in this
Silent castle
And I'd dream of the moment it would be filled
With the sound of a child dancing
I could almost see this child
I could almost touch this child
Every day I'd promise myself
One day she will return
One day I will be worthy
Of his love

But, morning after morning I'd awake
To silence
And him a little farther away
Then there was only the silence
And the sterile walls

If only I had opened up to him