There are nights
That I think of you
All of you
It starts off as an idea in my head
I think of your face and the way my tongue wore your name so comfortably
I think of our relationship and in these moments I only think of the good
The good on how happy I felt to be with you
To be seen by you
To be wanted by you
And these memories lead to what some would perceive as creepy google searches
I start with your name and click on every link that has anything to do with you
I look at your old Facebook pictures when you were an insecure high schooler
And I smile and my heart softens
Because I knew you
You were apart of me
Sewed into my everyday life
You were my friend, my companion and maybe even my renegade lover or the object of my desire
And for a moment my heart longs for you
I long for what we had, whether it was a relationship deeper and more complex than the ocean or as shallow as a lake
I think of where we could’ve been today
What we could’ve been
And I think about who you are today
I wonder what you’re doing, how you’re doing
And who has the privilege of knowing you like I knew you
And for a moment my heart is saddened
And with that
I close the webpages, my thoughts of you going into hibernation
At least until another night
That I remember the idea of you