Grudges are a luxury, they say dig two graves before you quest for revenge
I want to be the person who can't forgive you today, sleeps on it tonight and forgets everything tomorrow
but we all know, I'm a screen door off a hinge
I'll digest the hardest time I'm given, but give me time, let me nurse my sorrow
I've tried to cry
I dunno why
but I could manifest the memories, as close as near death trick-shows life's every detail
and I let myself feel all of it, to no avail
no mourning, no grieving, no closure
lurking and distant anxiety, like the very tips of fingers fallen asleep
pins and needles one can think they feel the sensation of
the lightest brush of fear and paranoia, selfish
that one day you'll be back,
in hundreds upon hundreds of scenarios until I lost count I thought it through, how thoroughly is every bridge destroyed
I am resolved for my own good to live with this peaceful moment of you, a lifetime reduced to a memory,
but there is no predicting, there's no telling, there's no way I can foresee every possibility
I have my determined course, no discounting history, no shoving aside remorse or discrediting accountability
I reconcile and reconstruct to recognize a way to close this endlessly branching dialogue tree
it uses so much of me, I feel like an algorithm pretending to be human
imagine if I were human
who would I be?