i hate when you say things that sound like me in another language
things i know i've said in another lifetime
maybe even this lifetime
maybe i've said them to you

i hate it because i have already fought myself
a million times
i always lose

i hate it because i know how weak i am
and i know how much it hurts to be me
i hate to see you mirroring me
walking in my shoes


on my drive home from work today
i started crying
thinking about how a week ago i had a plan
i told you about it
kinda
i said it like it was a joke
but i had a plan
to dive off the cliff by my old house
the one where my brothers grew up
its about a 200 foot drop from that cliff to the water
i did the research
that’s far enough to do it
you were the only reason i didn’t

this might be a stupid comparison but
when i watched a star is born last year
i hated bradley cooper for what he did
for leaving and hurting his loved ones
when he had such a beautiful love and a beautiful future
he had come so far
and he let it all go
why?

last week, if i hadn’t thought so hard before starting my car
i could’ve done the same