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Misfit Mania

I put up curtains

So the sun couldn’t seep in

To hide the fact

That my pain was slowly leakin

Bleeding out

Felt like I had nothin to believe in

Opened up

And got kicked in the teeth when

I only had love

But soon jealousy would sneak in

We tried to front

But our hearts were only seekin

Custody of love in its entirety

And not just on the weekends  

 

And though we had it

It was laced with irony

Because love will slowly morph

Into a monster that tries to swallow me

And it’s not under the bed

Like they say in the movies

This **** lives in my head

And tries to control me

Like a puppet to its master

I feel strings at my throat

Because my emotions are always faster

Than I can cut the ropes

 

I’m a hopeless romantic too

In this wicked wild game

Which makes it hard for me to part ways with you

Because I feel this overwhelming shame

 

Because I’m mostly hopeless

When it comes to love affairs

Let the romantic slip my grip

When I feel like you don’t care

 

All I want is to know you love me

And to always prove I love you too

Because if you’re my reckless decision

I’ll always continue to choose you

 

Like a drug

You’re my strange addiction

I’m in constant need of you

A prisoner to loves conviction

Too blind to see the truth

That I’m not that wise

I’m infected by my youth

But I have to survive

And what else can I do?

But fight to stay high

And keep acting aloof

 

Here’s the proof

 

I once said ignorance is bliss

Until I learned the hardest lesson

That There’s love in every kiss

You can save the vague confessions

And there it is again

It’s slowly creepin in

The jealousy that takes my words

And slides out from my pen

 

I suppose thats my fatal flaw

Which adds development to the character

So I should be real evolved

Because I’m full of flaws and failure

 

Yet I try to give my all

In everything I do

But I always hit a wall

Wandering Far into the blue  

Lost Looking at the stars

To tell me what to do

 

It’s the only place that ever feels  like home

I Can look up at the sky at night

And not feel so alone

So i wonder if the constellations

Can give me a consolidation

On the humiliation,

of my constant reconciliation

With my own temptation

Think I love living in damnation

 

I’m never patient

 

Remember I said emotions rule my world

twisting and turning my thoughts

Watch them twirl

Might give em a whirl

While they swirl

Out of my brain

In the form of rambling words

Maniac is the strain

Roll it up and lick the wrap

Spark it up and smoke that

 

 

Expand and deflate

My lungs are irate

Might choke up on the sentiment

And start to suffocate

Cause thoughts can be killers

They’ll cut the brakes too

When your mind is going 100

And there’s nothing you can do

Heading straight into traffic

Your heart will start to race

And you quickly start to panic

Now it’s terror on your face

 

Hear the glass around you shatter

Feel it digging deep within

Now the thoughts that never mattered

Are carved into your skin

 

Tear drops turn to Whiskey

They fall so fast these days

Please tell me that you miss me

To help and ease the pain

Request permission to use this poem
Written by
katlyn-orthman
21 / F / American
Published
Oct 7, 2020
Lines·Words
108·591
Tags
#jealous#jealousy#passion#life#living#love
Permission

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