You told me it was better this way,
I kept you up at night and
made you worry
and sometimes you thought too hard
about what other people
would say about me

You once held me really close
in a cheap hotel room
and told me this was closer than
anyone had ever been to you

and you liked it this way

I still remember that night I
sat in your lap and leaned my head on your shoulder
and we smoked cigarette after cigarette
as the stars moved above us,
you said "there's never been one quite like you."

The day we wasted in your bed,
kissing and whispering and touching nothing but fingertips,
I learned more about how to make you laugh
rather than how to make you moan.

At the bonfire our friends had,
it was so cold that we found our way to each other's arms.
Our friends were so shocked
that they barely spoke a word to us
but I'm sure they saw how happy we were,
I'm sure of it.

And you took me to the airport
on the freezing morning in March.
You kissed me on the cheek
and held my hands in yours
so hard that I could feel the joints in my fingers creak.

I believed you.
How could I have ******* believed in you.