How can something that Excites me, repulse me to the point that I can't stand me!
Wish-y Wash-y not exactly.
Mostly to make you happy or
So I say to myself,
Justified by my own guilt, selfishness manifested in the form of temptation, a curse that's plagued all of Gods creations,

In the mirror I see through blind eyes, instead of seeing with reality, the deception of placidity deceives me with serenity and a false sense of peace disguising the true me.

In the lucid moments, the moments that the veil from eyes pulls back enough to let in the light I can see with truth, not judgement but sorrow how all my yesterdays have become my tomorrows.