the current ache in my chest has been tweeting about wanting a wedding without the marriage and the potential of breaking off an engagement that hasn't happened yet and the apocalyptic sunset i almost married sent me a goodbye by way of google document in the middle of june, unintentionally near our last anniversary, the week before my first love zoom called to say she proposed to her boyfriend, on the beach i almost traveled across the country by train to get to when i was 14 and none of it means anything but it's still keeping me up well into the 2:22 and 5:55 mornings of early july