We joked that I was mostly blind,
no color I could see.
You’d point and ask, you grabbed the thread,
what shapes could we both be?
You rubbed these thighs with your green eyes
And asked what does that mean?
It means the slate was not a lie,
your blue’s my blue obscene.
I wanted something else instead,
perhaps to raise our dead

or maybe even turn for you
damnation on its head.
The secret held that I was wrong
when I was sure I’d be.
I wanted something else instead,
released from you or me.

But I remember seeing you,
the lambent yellow shirt
reflected in the light, you stretched
beneath the cupboard, hands
were out of sight. I saw your face
exasperated,
inundated, out of place.
You looked at me with love
or hurt, your gaze was our embrace.

I snapped the pic, I got
a kick, from you and out of it.
And even still that look
could **** the parts I won’t admit.
Too selfish to love anyone,
anything, even me.
I wanted something else instead.
Freedom is never free.