everything i write i write for you so when you read this please stop and close your eyes and notice me leaning against your back and reading over your shoulder sometimes i reread my words and try to imagine how you feel when you read them but i read them and i feel so empty i hope you don't feel the same because people have told me i made them cry but i find that hard to believe when i just make myself bored just know i'm curling around your feet i'm hoping my words will help you when you want to hurt i'm hoping you know i wrote this for you because i know you read this in the dark in your room in solitude with the light of your screen turning you pallid and blue but you know blue is better than red black words on a white screen i read once that monotony is ataractic but it just makes me itch and i hope i'm an anomaly and you're part of the norm because i don't know how to make you feel something i don't know but i'm trying everything i can i want you calm i hope my words can be a soporific for you they say that you're not alive unless you hurt unless you never stop moving but in that case maybe i want you in a coma because i saw what being alive did to you please sleep they say it isn't art if it doesn't make you uncomfortable if it doesn't make you itch but artistry was never in my future anyway i just want you to have my words when you want to test your nerves to see if they're picking up any signal at all because your emotions are flatlining but maybe the physical sensation's still there and you are so ragged and i hope i smooth your edges at night when you can't sleep and you seek out the light that makes you pallid and words written just for you and maybe that night you won't itch so bad i wrote this for you because i know when you're alone with pallid light and music you want to hurt but please close your eyes i'm right behind you i'm leaning over your shoulder and trying not to cry because you don't need another burden cause all your thoughts are the heaviest material on earth but i can make it better i can make my words meaningless enough that they can lift you up just a little more you don't have to stand on your own my words can hold some of the weight because maybe you grew up too fast or maybe not at all cause i can tell your body is far too heavy for your heart to support and sometimes your hands are too far away for blood to reach them cause a pulse can only do so much and sometimes it feels like simply living is another type of malaise but maybe i can ease that just for the minute it takes for you to read this and close your eyes and feel me against your back i just make myself bored but maybe i can help you i hope my words are so monochrome they help you sleep i hope my words are so empty they're like air sacs to help you stay upright i hope nothing i say resonates with you because the world gives you enough to swallow you don't need one thing more my words can be your sleeping pills i wrote this for you so you could sleep easy tonight and i'll hold your hand and hope you don't dream