I just want to lay down,
wash my skin away.

Their hoses, wet,
houses, painted,
lawns mowed.

I hate it.

I just want to exercise,
ride my bike, leave this plight.

I'll pedal fast, run hard, do so
many push ups my arms feel
like snapping.

Behind me though, I'm being watched.

Look around, you'll see nothing,
my head is a maze that creates apparitions.

Sometimes I can see them plain as day,
other days, some days, they fade away.
Those are the happiest-

when I am normal. When I can hold a conversation.

God! I can feel my whole world crumble.
I'll probably fall ill, sad, diseased.
I'll surely watch my body tumble,
from outer space, my mind appeased.

But my body! Oh my body still lies,
down in the mire; the sick land below.
And in time maybe I'll do my cries,
write the same lines in the snow.

I'll surely show them my screeching writ!
I'll end the facade somewhere.
Even just for a quiet spacing bit.
Distract myself, get myself out there.

lo, in the darkest stairways I will climb,
****, one day I'll make it rhyme.