Not even kidding.
I have been in the throes
of a sort of mid-life crisis,
because I can't have
any more babies.

I ******* LOVE BABIES

My best friend is pregnant
right now. Soooo pregnant.
It's ******* adorable.
And I, I am unable to have

ANY MORE BABIES.

BUT I LOVE BABIES.

No ****, you guys,
I really like to have babies.

I am *******

GOOD AT HAVING AWESOME BABIES.

My ****** was like
baby ******* paradise.
And I just had
a miniature midlife crisis
over the fact that
I had to use the word
"was" right there.

If I still had that ******,
I would be forced
to use multiple layers
of protection
to ward off fertilization, and

MORE BABIES.

I LOVE BABIES.

I can gestate like a *******.
Oh wait, maybe
more like a ****** mother,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

******* BABIES!

And when I give birth,
I do it kamikaze style,
with only a couple minutes
notice for the attending physician.

BLINKED? OH NO, SORRY
DR. *******,
YOU ******* MISSED IT!

Back when I had a ******,
like last year,
I was fertile
like a thing that is incredibly fertile.
You had to put an army
between me and my ******,
or some **** would go on
and I would be all,
oh! A new kid!
That's inconvenient!
But man,
you know,
you birth a child,
it's insanely difficult
on a level incomprehensible
to anyone who hasn't done it,
you work through it.

And then ******* hell,
you're the mother
of 3 teenagers
and your very productive
****** is all

*******, SERIOUSLY?

And you put it out of  
your misery, and then,
a few months later,
you think

it would be nice to have another baby.